Uncontested Divorce, Contested Divorce and Litigation

[This is a re-posted article from Council member, Jennifer Safian]

When a marriage is in trouble, you may feel as if your life is being turned upside down. On top of facing a possible divorce, you find yourself dealing with words that you have never used before; a whole new vocabulary that can be difficult to understand. So let me try to clarify a couple of basics for you.

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce, means that you and your spouse are in agreement about getting a divorce, and that you believe that you will be able to reach an understanding on all divorce related issues including property division, spousal/child support, and a parenting plan for your children if needed.

Read the rest at Jennifer Safian's site.

Jennifer Safian can also be found on LinkedIn

NYSCDM Annual Conference May 3-5

Save the Date!

Annual Conference at the Gideon Putnam, Saratoga, NY

Pre-Conference Institute, Thursday, May 3, 2012
Annual Conference, Thursday, May 3-Saturday, May 5, 2012

More information to come, so please stay tuned to the blog, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook

NYSCDM Peer Group Meeting Recap

This recap submitted by NYSCDM Public Awareness Committee Co-Chair, Helene Bernstein

On January 30, 2012, the New York City Divorce Mediation Peer Group affiliated with the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation met for their monthly meeting with a record number of attendees. The topic, “Mediating Retirement Benefits” was presented by financial advisor Lauren Prince and divorce mediator/attorney Georgia Davies Graham.

The New York State Council on Divorce Mediation has an accreditation process for its members which requires verification of training, consultation, and experience. Peer group meetings may be substituted for a portion of the consultation requirements for accreditation.

Congratulations to members Jo Ann Shartand, Robin Masson, and Gail Ferrailoi, who were recently accredited by the council. For more information about accreditation please visit the council’s website at nysmediate.org.

The Council also invites you to sign up for FaceBook, Linked In and Twitter for updates on all council events.

Helene Bernstein can also be found on Twitter and LinkedIn

NYSCDM December 3 Mini Conference Recap

NYSCDM hosted their annual fall mini-conference Saturday, December 3, 2011 at John Jay College. The conference focused on current issues facing divorce mediators, such as federal, state, and city tax traps in real estate transfers, which was presented by Steve Abel and Eli Uncyk. “Mediators must be educated about the rules regarding federal capital gains tax before discussing the sale of the marital home with their client,” states Public Awareness Committee co-chair, Helene Bernstein.

Teresa D. Calabrese and Katie Cole discussed issues involving same sex marriage. “NYS Equality Act does not fully protect LGBTQ clients and mediators can assist with agreements that further protect their marital and family relationships,” added Susan Ingram, who co-chairs the Public Awareness Committee of the NYSCDM.

Support Magistrate Carole Princer Levy spoke on magistrates deciding difficult child support issues. The Magistrate explained that losing one’s job is not a guarantee your child support payments will be reduced. The court will look at a party's ability to pay as opposed to their current income in considering a request to lower child support. "Mediators can help clients create agreements that anticipate how child support can be paid in these situations so you can avoid going to court,” says NYSCDM President, Bobbie Dillon.

There was an interactive audience workshop to discuss mediating with clients who present unusual challenges.

The conference was a sell-out with nearly 100 mediators in attendance.

Next conference is May 3-5 in Saratoga Springs, NY at Gideon Putnam. More information to come.

The rest of the photos can be seen on the Facebook page

There IS A Second Chance For Love Post Divorce

[This is a re-posted article from Council member, Jennifer Safian]

Post divorce, facing your “new” life can be somewhat daunting. Facing the world of dating and a new romantic life can be down right terrifying. People often cling to familiar routines like working and caring for the children, to avoid the awkward and sometimes frightening world of dating. Life does move on, however, and “chance encounters” can turn out to have life affirming results when you least expect it.

Amy and Greg started living separately in June after signing their legal separation agreement. They had joint legal custody and while the children’s primary residence was with their mother, they spent a lot of time with their father. Amy’s life was focused mostly on her children, and her business which she ran from home. For several months following the separation, she made no particular effort to go out and socialize...

Read the rest at her site

http://safianmediation.com/there-is-a-second-chance-for-love-post-divorce/

Jennifer Safian can also be found on LinkedIn

Eight Myths of Divorce Mediation

[This is a re-posted article from Council member, Joanne Naiman.]

Traditionally couples divorce as adversaries, hiring separate attorneys to wrangle over child custody and support, maintenance, assets and anything else they care about, even the dog. It's high stakes poker. Ante up: legal costs, kids, stress.

But there's another way. Increasingly couples are turning to divorce mediation as a realistic and healthier alternative. A couple meets with a mediator to hammer out an agreement covering all the terms of their divorce, including finances and child custody. This usually takes six to 10 sessions and costs roughly $5,000. As a litigator and mediator I prefer to mediate, if appropriate. It's faster, cheaper and, most importantly, less acrimonious, which is less damaging, not just for a couple, but also their children.

The problem for some -- and you know who you are...

Read the rest at The Huffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joanne-naiman/divorce-mediation-myths_b_831334.html

Joanne Naiman can also be found on Twitter

Should Seal and Heidi Klum Use Divorce Mediation?

[This is a re-posted article from Council member, Clifford Rohde.]

Another set of stars is breaking up. This time it’s super singer Seal and supermodel Heidi Klum, parting after some seven years of marriage.

Should they try mediation? Here are some reasons suggesting mediation might be good for them.

1. The couple is amicably separating. Couples that can work together to dissolve a relationship stand a decent chance of being able to make the decisions necessary...

Read the rest at his site:

http://rohdelawfirm.com/2012/01/should-seal-and-heidi-klum-use-divorce-mediation/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=should-seal-and-heidi-klum-use-divorce-mediation

Clifford Rohde, Esq. can also be found on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.

NYSCDM Peer Group Meeting Monday January 30

The Peer Group, sponsored by New York State Council on Divorce Mediation will be meeting on Monday, January 30, from 8:30 - 10:00 AM.

For the first meeting of 2012, Lauren Prince and Georgia Davis Graham will continue their presentation on tax issues in connection with mediations.

All divorce mediators and interested professionals are welcome. There is no charge, and there is no requirement that attendees be members of New York State Council, or any other organization.

Space is limited. So please RSVP to MikeStokamer@aol.com if you plan to attend.

260 Madison Avenue, (bet 38th/39th Streets), 20th floor.

The host is Norman Solovay who has an office in the Suite of McLaughlin and Stern. If you are asked in the lobby where you are going, say that you are visiting Norman Solovay on the 20th floor.

Mediating Conflict in Mindful Tension

[Re-post from NYSCDM Member, Joan A. Moo Young]

Aahhh…the sweet bliss and flow of marriage—when it works! Those who have tasted the fruits of a good marriage know its savoring qualities…it satisfies…it rocks! A marriage that does not work can feel like a whirlwind of tension and conflict that no determined minds can save. For some, a court divorce can be as bad as, or worse than the conflicts and tension in a failed marriage, adding insult to injury.

Conflict is a natural fact of life…and tension, a natural state in all conflict. Tension builds up in life…and marriages…when our needs are not met, when we don’t get what we want, don’t feel understood, when others do not see things our way, don’t like the things we like, don’t hold the values we do. Without release, tensions can escalate into full blown conflicts. This is what compels couples to go their separate ways....

This post is courtesy of Joan A. Moo Young

Read the rest at Joan's blog

https://mediatetension.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/mediating-conflict-in-mindful-tension/

The Benefits of Mediator Mind

[This is a re-post from NYSCDM Public Awareness Committee Co-Chair, Susan Ingram, Esq.]

It’s fascinating how, as we grow older and wiser, certain ‘truisms’ repeatedly appear in our lives. As I’ve broadened in my professional life from being a lawyer to working as a life coach and mediator, I’ve found this particularly to be the case. I now see clearly how there are certain underlying principles that govern both my professional and personal life. I like to refer to this as Mediator Mind.

So what exactly is Mediator Mind? It’s comprised of a ‘mindful’ approach that each of us can bring to our lives and then see the dramatic difference it makes in all of our relationships. Here are some guidelines for applying this approach:

Read the rest at her site:

http://www.susan-ingram.com/2010/01/the-benefits-of-mediator-mind/

Susan Ingram can also be found on Facebook and LinkedIn

Same Sex Marriage, What It Really Means

The Family Divorce Mediation Council presented the program, “Same Sex Marriage-What It Really Means” as part of their continuing education series, on January 12. The program was held at the NYC Bar Association and was presented by Teresa Calabrese, J.D., Katie Cole, Esq., Mark Josephson, Esq., CPA, CFP, and Joy Rosenthal, Esq.The presenters reviewed the recently enacted New York Marriage Equality Act and the law’s impact on same sex couples, with particular focus on tax and financial consequences and parenting issues that arise.

The Federal law does not recognize same sex marriages and as a result same sex couples who are legally married in New York are not entitled to many federal entitlements that opposite sex couples may be eligible for. On January 20th, Mayor Bloomberg made the trip to Washington, D.C. to advocate for federal adoption of same sex marriages.

The New York State Mediation Council will be showcasing their organization along with the FDMC during the weekend of March 31 at the Starting Over Smart Divorce Expo in New York City. Come learn how divorce mediation can be a better option for your family.

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This post/event recap was submitted by Helene Bernstein,Esq. Co-Chair of the Public Awareness Committee for the New York State Mediation Council. Follow her at @bernsteinhelene